I’m in a bit of a psychological funk right now. Again. Still. Whatever. And so training goes.
When I’m out there is absolutely nothing I’d rather be doing. I LOOOVE CYCLING! I LOOOOVE SWIMMING! Heck, I loooove jog/walking! (<– Note not an all caps kind of love, but love nonetheless) However it’s getting increasingly difficult to feel inspired to get out of bed and put my kit or swimsuit on. I’m still hardly running which makes it hard to feel like I’m big-picture-prepared to do my best at Boise, or beyond. I mean come on here, the ticker to the left says THREE MONTHS. Le sigh.
I’m doing everything I can to be prepared, but I just don’t feel like there’s anything I can do to catch up. I’ll do just fine given the circumstances I’m sure, but I’m sort of over having everything undermined with that statement. How about a standalone “awesome” rather than “awesome given injury”? I’m sick of the disclaimer. I realize that I allow myself to feel like it’s disclaimer, but I’m certain I’d be better if I could be pushing myself on the run rather than just hitting the 40 minute mark on a slow jog. So the disclaimer is at least sort of real.
In the meantime I’m doing my best to celebrate the small accomplishments and total them up to equal something meaningful so that I don’t A) Feel overwhelmed by how much/little of this training cycle is left, and B) Cry myself to sleep in a bottle of wine every night out of frustration. Kidding about B, sort of. Maybe. Or not. You’ll never know!
Swimming and cycling are coming along nicely, truly. I feel stronger on the bike than ever and when I’m riding I am happy, grateful, fulfilled and am starting to understand what true cyclists do. My swimming isn’t fast but it’s at least 1,000,000x more efficient than I was last summer. Yes, 1 million times, and if I can’t get invest enough to get FAST fast, then efficient is nearly as good on the shortest (by far) leg of the race. And my foot is coming along, it really is. X-rays yesterday showed improved healing and bone density in the fractured spot, meaning it’s physically on the mend. I’m well into the land of slow jogs and adding 5 minutes increments, and I can even get on board to celebrate 40 versus 35 minute jogs. But the pain that still radiates from the fracture at random times can be scary and at this point I don’t trust myself to differentiate healing sore pain from injury pain (and with good reason) .
Hmm. And perhaps therein lies the problem: That I don’t trust myself to do this right.
Any suggestions? What CAN I do to be prepared? Or at least to make my mind feel as such?